What if
the opposite
is true?
Lying in bed at night processing your day. The final rushed gulp of your once hot tea before the third meeting of your morning. A rise of the swell in your heart space and stomach in anticipation of the questions we deem better left aside and ignored. They circle in our heads, waiting to be heard. They are the dreaded questions we don’t want to be asked, conversations we avoid and the sinking feeling of rejections.
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself,
What if the opposite is true?
What if the opposite happens? A gentle reminder that may surprise you. The positive energy that gathers in response to this question is the turning point to a healthier mindset and unlocks the door of manifestation. What if I get it this time? What if he falls head over heals for me? What if they love my ideas and initiatives? What if they take it onboard and action it straight away?
These positive outcomes are just as likely to occur as the negative ones. We gather them through experience and turn them into neural-pathways of learned behaviour. However, the experience right here and now is new. It’s a new time, a new place, a new person or a new you. Each moment, each action and everyone encountered is a completely new experience. This moment has never happened before. Time continues to move forward. Our actions and choices reflect our growth from our experiences. The person receiving the consequence of our choice or action has experienced their own growth and evolution from new experiences. It may even be relevant to a different person altogether with their own life’s journey to formulate decisions.
Through your actions you are manifesting the outcome.
How you hold yourself.
With self-worth. Confidence. Positivity.
These become a magnetising experience for other people. It invokes the Law of Attraction.
The action you take.
It feels aligned with your intentions. When things are aligned with your intentions, you are convinced, therefore it is easier to convince others. This also invokes the Law of Attraction. A convincing argument or initiative makes it harder for others to deny the benefits. Do everything you possibly can because you believe in this idea or desire.
Your mental preparation.
Your good energy is felt by those around you. If you feel good, positive, happy it will cultivate long-term well-being. People want to be around that and they want what you have. So they are more likely to listen and absorb.
Have you ever noticed that anxiety and excitement feel very similar?
For many people navigating careers, households, relationships and personal ambitions in the complex rhythms of modern life, fear has become as sort of white noise. The majority of people are consistently operating out of their parasympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response). This is anxiety. We fear choosing the wrong path, losing control, venturing into the unknown - even when we know it’s time to move on.
Moving forward into the unknown, unpredictable and quite inconvenient journey is scary. Our mind has a tight grip on what we have learnt which is considered known and predicts this as comfort and safety. Even when the known experience is not safe or comfortable.
Fear.
Why are we obsessed with safety? Our parasympathetic system, or “fight or flight” response, is built into us from evolution. Nowadays, we encounter this response during arguments or conflicts, anything we generally consider “negative” in our energetic field.
The amygdala - our brain’s ancient alarm system - triggers a cascade of reactions to protect us from danger. In modern society, we no longer run from bears (often). Our fears have changed to more subtle psychological warfare like public speaking, emotional vulnerability or doing something that we haven’t done before.
We respond to subtle fears the same way as if we were in grave danger: racing hearts, sweaty palms, the desire to avoid or retreat. For our brain, “unknown” feels suspiciously close to “unsafe”.
What if the unknown is safer than my comfort zone?
Societal expectations, cultural norms, environmental conditioning and adopted responsibilities cultivate and evolve our belief system. This belief system is what we consider our comfort zone. It is the learnt and taught behviour. It is a psychological cocoon that soothes us with the illusion that we are in control. Because our brain KNOWS what could cause the pain. Dopamine is one of the brains reward chemicals and it is released when anticipating predictability. It is also released when we achieve a new experience. So we are rewarded chemically for both choices.
It’s been found that growth - the evolutionary and transformative flourishment - happens in “the stretch zone”. This is the phase just beyond comfort but prior to overwhelm. A small push toward a desire, goal or outcome is what is required to flourish and empower us. Determination, motivation and focus are vital and will come after the choice. Being patient with yourself is critical.
“Your brain’s most important job isn’t thinking - it’s keeping you alive.”
The comfort zone.
For myself, my comfort zone had become a place of fear itself. I felt uneasy leaving my child, in my home and in conversation. But it was familiar. I would avoid, avoid, avoid. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to talk to my ex-partner. I didn’t feel safe to do acts of self-love or self-care. It had become a prison disguised as a sanctuary. There’s a kind of seductive safety in the known, even when it’s restrictive and filled with what you can and can’t do. For me, I was afraid of being alone - that no one would want me now being a mother of two. I was raised, taught and had told myself that mistreatment was what I was to experience because my son needed his father. Because I had chosen this person. It wasn’t until the comfort zone became more unsafe than the unknown that I could break free.
“Nervousness is courage waiting to be known”
Altering our perspective to understand fears, uncertainties and anxieties as a compass enables us to regain the sense of control we are longing for. Psychologist Dr. Susan David describes emotions as “data”, not “directives”. It is accumulated experiences logged for future reference ONLY. It means to pay more attention, not that you cannot go there.
At some point in adulthood we decided that it was unsafe to grow from cultivating these negative experiences and emotions. We overlook the random occurrences that force our hand forward and maintain our growth silently. However, we feel helpless or disempowered and continue to cultivate fear.
The true empowerment of reframing your mindset to expect this growth means we are able to react how we choose to each random situation we encounter.
We are not writing to you to take giant leaps and bounds. We are encouraging you to take courageous steps to regaining the sense of control on your life’s journey by asking yourself, “what if the opposite might happen.”