From Bar, to Bed, to Boardrooms.
Where it started and where it went…
I didn’t take the traditional path. I left school at fifteen. The world & people - that’s where the real learning felt like it was.
At 16 I moved to Melbourne with not more than a few short skirts and a job selling overpriced rubbish in a CBD clothing shop on minimum wage.
After dark, wherever the city pules is where you would find me. In clubs and bars wanting to feel something bigger than I was. I didn’t expect what I found. Beyond dance floors and shots, I discovered places where (mostly) men came to talk, be seen, feel something… any kind of connection.
I went by Nomi then. Not a stage name, not to lie. Just a persona I portrayed to enable me to walk into a room and flirt, laugh, open up a conversation. A façade of confidence.
I’d open with something like:
‘Hi there! My name is Nomi. Fancy a drink? I’ll buy you whatever you like if you share with me your biggest regret & biggest success? If you don’t feel like sharing, then you get the shots, and I’ll tell you whatever you like. You’ll be the boss.’
I always got an answer. Perhaps not from the blue-collar run of the mill. But certainly, from your white-collar executives, CEOs and your everyday high powered 50–80-year-old. They opened up. Shared their secrets and experiences. It wasn’t because I seduced them. I didn’t need to do anything other than be present. Kind and curious was my approach. What did they know that I don’t? I wasn’t pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I simply wasn’t afraid of rejection, “gross” masculinity or lack of attraction. I’m not deterred by the lack of a spark. On reflection, my lack of deterrence meant I held a place without judgement for those men. They were welcome without shame. In those interactions, I experienced moments of sexuality and femininity. I felt I was holding the rein and cultivated a strange level of confidence.
I learnt more in those years than I could have in any school room or through any cookie cutter course. Yes, often it would lead to more than a flirtatious chat in a red lit room. In all honesty, these conversations made for the best sex. The openness and honesty, the deep connection and feeding of the masculine ego that they were teaching me something. It enabled a confident direction in achieving orgasm to my liking. No need to beat around the bush.
‘If you want to do it like that, can you grab that pillow and prop up my ass. Thanks!’
I have attained an incredible range of knowledge through intimate connections. No, not in the bedroom. Intimacy is the connection you have with others. Making eye contact. Listening and actively responding. Analysing body language. Understanding and respecting the journey of others.
‘No matter how much you care about your business,’ a CEO once said, ‘your CFO is your best friend – unless he’s doing a terrible job.’ Then wishing that money wasn’t the only thing that mattered in making a difference these days.
A security guard taught me how to read a room before I entered it. I learnt how to assess physical risks in an instant and how to react.
A CFO revealed that cash flow, revenue and underlying profit will always matter more than vision, passion or purpose for the success of a business. Proceeding to admit, in hindsight, he had never been so “disgustingly” honest with anyone including himself.
A truck driver once explained the true cost of time. What it really means to make the most of every minute.
A COO taught me the façade, image and customer experience of your business is far more important than the effectiveness of the delivered product or service. Meeting promises isn’t essential. People pay for lip service, time and attention. Everything else in the background (including federal regulations) regarding employee treatment and product quality is disregarded should no one complain.
A married man confessed his deepest regret was not loving more boldly when he was younger. His advice, to continue to see everyone as beautiful. Otherwise, it would ruin my life.
Countless men, who, for a few minutes or a few hours, treated me not like a stranger or a fantasy — but a confidante.
I became addicted to learning about lives that weren’t mine. Some nights were crazy. Some were soft. Each one gave me something. A story. A lesson. A truth. Especially the men with influence, who are so rarely truly seen. They were the ones who taught me how people work. Many of them helped me develop my thoughts and emotions about myself regarding intelligence, human presence/appreciation & humour. This exchange fuelled my addiction through emotional attachment. Not only did I see them. They saw me. A me without societal façade. A me without emotional stunt. A me that let go of inhibitions.
My world was now abundant with opportunities both immediately and later in life. It’s all about who you know. Connections are imperative for success in this world.
My first big client deal came from someone who once watched me pour whiskey for his boss while asking, ‘Why doesn’t “company A” care more about employee retention? Their replacement recruitment spend is more than their employee morale investment spend on average for the people they have in probation.’ A few weeks after that heated conversation, “company A” started offering improved compensation packages and incentives to encourage employment longevity. Further, they initiated a probationary satisfaction program, request for review of salary training and workplace environment survey to monitor employee morale before their “Thanks but No Thanks” resignation letters.
Being willing to sit with someone’s truth without flinching.
I learnt quickly about power, privilege, desire, failure, money and resilience. I utilised this knowledge intuitively – not manipulatively. That is our choice. I knew when to lean in, when to hold back, when to smile and when to be quiet. This is not suppression, as you would assume. These are intuitive manipulations to attain an outcome of your own desire. These are practicing discernment, cultivating self-control and empowering yourself by reacting carefully and calculating. Like a game of chess. Charisma, humour and adaptability are not things you can study. They are tools honed by focussing and paying attention to your surroundings. Genuity and curiosity are the most useful skills one can lean into to gain success. No fake smiles, no bullshit, no naivety. Everyone is treated the same. No one better than the other – CEOs, dishwashers, lawyers, bartenders, nurses, politicians.
That energy opens the doors to life’s pathways. Real opportunities. Introductions. Interviews. Referrals. Mentorships. People remembered me, not just my boldness or beauty, but for my humanity. How they felt in my presence. Getting out of my comfort zone - with a persona or not - and interacting with people the way I did has lead me to a multiple 6-figure salary without spending a decade collecting pieces of paper. Not because I cut corners. I paid attention. I worked hard. I gained the knowledge. I would refer to it as “social school”. I studied “the game” of society. I understand how people work, how they run things. Now I sit in meetings with men who look past my appearance and age. They listen and respect me. I can pitch a strategy, negotiate, lead the conversation, make recommendations. I now work with some of the biggest, brightest and influential people in my arena.
Did someone with a degree learn that at university?
No they didn’t - Society’s Whispers
I understand them as best as I can. This isn’t to say I’m not afraid, I still almost pass out when I must talk in front of people. BUT! Because I learnt so early that everyone is human. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves or what we must do day in day out. I don’t regret skipping the degree. I don’t regret the years I spent in spaces others might judge. I learned there. I found myself there. I am grateful to make my presence known in a room and leave a lasting impression on people. I am grateful to leverage from all the learnings and stories shared that many took for granted due to status, age, gender or circumstance. My education has come through worldly experience. My strength has come from softness. My power has come from a profound knowing that everyone is flawed, insecure and doubting. We should always be where we start when we are thinking about ‘what next’ Getting up the courage to talk to a middle-aged man in a titty bar with a story to tell might have been the very best thing that ever happened to me.