Feminism Stunts Your Career Growth
Secrets of Success
As a female with a successful career and opportunity for much progression in the Australian Construction Industry – a male dominated industry, I implore you to brush your modern-day petty quims and focus on your independent self-progression.
The History of Feminism
I am incredibly grateful for those empowered women who came before me. That rose against a broken system to fight for our rights as women to exist in modern society outside of a household. No, I’m not talking about Barbie. I am talking about The Suffragettes, Gloria Steinem, Joan of Arc and Bell Hooks. The outright women that stood up and said, enough is enough. The women who over a century ago now, were tortured, burnt at the stake, thrown in jail and feared for their lives daily.
What modern society fails to see, or perhaps accept, is that we have won. This is not to say as a female in a male dominated industry there do not remain challenges. However, do you have the conviction and discipline to utilise these challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth? Or will you fall victim to the mentality and spite in response?
Do you know the labels?
In my life, I have been mistreated more by women than men. Which is ironic when I can say I have been both emotionally and physically abused by men in relationships. However, never in the workplace. I have had my fair share of misogynistic encounters. I have been asked for affairs to leverage my career. I have been belittled and overlooked in meetings and situations countless times due to my appearance. Women have proceeded to treat me as such as well. I have had coins thrown at my head on the school bus. I have had relatives waterboarded and physically harmed by women. I have many male friends that have confided in me of sexism, rape and mistreatment. Cruelty is not isolated to men.
I do not identify as a feminist. Are you so harsh as to label me a misogynist? Is that the only alternative?
I identify as an egalitarianist. Everyone is the same to me. We are all born with different ailments, abilities, capabilities, talents, opportunities. This is what makes us so uniquely beautiful. The true journey in life is how we choose to act in response to those circumstances we are faced with. We should not fall victim to the labels society place on us. The woman that treated me so cruelly, well they were better than me. Because they had experienced something that others pitied. So naturally, she was given a free pass to be cruel. My ex-partner, I personally gave him the pass to treat me horribly. He was abused as a child and in turn, my internal process understood that as “he wasn’t treating me as poorly as what he has experienced”.
Self-worth is attained through dismissal of the labels society places on us. Grand movements, such as the Feminist Movement and Black Lives Matter, are imperative to the unionisation and acceptance in society. Knowing that we are all one and magnificent for our differences without empowering them to define us. I have attended many motivational discussions from many activists with different opportunities presented to them at birth. The common theme I have noticed is acceptance and an unwillingness to let those capabilities define their experience of life.
When you experience the worst of people, your perspective shifts to understand that our responsibility lies first and foremost with our own safety and protection. How do I best utilise a circumstance to gain safety and protection?
Either,
I remove myself to ensure my mental and physical health remain sound.
I listen to my instincts, the experiences I have learnt and practice them.
Or, do I use this circumstance as an opportunity to grow?
Self-Worth is Key
As a Yogi, how I understand it is that I am constantly given opportunities for growth. Do I fall victim to anger, frustration, sadness, self-pity or loss of hope? Sometimes. It takes practice to cultivate discernment and discipline. Yogi acknowledge emotions. It is not the practice of pushing those away. It is in understanding them, noticing them and not letting them control the outcome. Your mind is an incredible tool. In practicing discipline and discernment, your reaction can alter the outcome as it is currently presented to you. That is the only control we have in this life.
A strong focus on issues such as your perceived missed opportunity and blaming variables involved limits your possibilities for potential growth. Both as a person and towards the career goals you seek. Before you jump to conclusions and judgement as to why you have been presented with this barrier, understand this. A victim mentality cultivated will make excuses for your reactive behaviour. This distraction lures you in. It disguises itself as activism or identifying a problem. Whereas, as a professional woman, I see it as your focus lies in lack as opposed to determination.
Perhaps you don’t see that aggressive responses will deter people, or you don’t recognise that how you dress is inappropriate. These are common and vastly opposing approaches to career progression. An aggressive response to compete with patriarchal masculinity can be received as, entitled, unreasonable or difficult. Whereas, inappropriate dress for an occasion with too much tit shown could indicate disrespect for fellow co-workers or yourself. Another example of inappropriate dress could be hand-knitted wool outfits, which could indicate frugality. Highly inappropriate for a financial advisory position. These judgements are not usually born out of a desire to suppress self-expression, but it is about a collective perception. It is about a workplace’s brand and image. Employee moral and individual satisfaction in both career progression and comfort in the work place are imperative. However, have you ever paused to consider if you are the one making others uncomfortable? It is yourself that is doing you an injustice by “wearing what you want”, “expressing your opinions in spite of others” or “acting how you want”. Respecting others is what earns respect.
Opportunities for Growth
On a darker note… “Trigger Warning”
If You Experience Abuse, Speak Up.
Whether this is in the workplace, or in a domestic situation, you should always respect yourself enough to speak up. Being in any societal circumstance can lead to sexual abuse. In those instances, which I have experienced, IT IS NOT OKAY.
I implore you, like I did, to act now. Speak out. As many great woman have done so before us. This is not specific to career progression. This is about self-worth, self-respect, comfort in your environmental surroundings. If you are uncomfortable, you can make a change. It could simply be to leave and look for another job. That may be your journey and path.
I have just recently had a male friend seek my guidance as a professional woman for sexual abuse in the workplace. He was being pursued aggressively and persistently by a woman in a polyamorous marriage. After asking her to cease several times, he sought advice from a confidant.
The choice to make another uncomfortable through sexual or abusive pursuits reflects that individuals’ choices, not a collective of individuals. It’s time to cease providing individuals with a collective excuse for poor behaviour, regardless of gender.
Here are the action steps that I recommend (this does not include rape):
Confide in a loved one. Someone you trust. Someone you feel comfort with. This will aid you in processing the initial emotions of the situation. That person’s reaction will give you a drive in direction to take. My own personal experience was disbelief. They didn’t believe me. They told me I was in the wrong. I’m here, telling you, if you experience discomfort or abuse - the kind that confuses you, you don’t know what to do or why its happening to you. That is when you act.
For a workplace, if possible, keep a written record. Should this be verbal abuse through written correspondence or a journal clearly indicating the offence and dated. A simple transgression can lead to more serious offences in future. It is of utmost importance to build the foundation of defence.
Do not go immediately to HR. Contrary to the company policies, when having career progression and industry reputation in mind, this is not the move. First, begin with your direct manager. A higher-level employee or employer that you have a rapour with. Do not lodge anything officially. This is a verbal request to sit down with them and openly confide in them. Ask for their feedback. Request action steps to be taken. The reason for this is to, again, build the foundation of your evidence. Continue the conversation should discretions continue to happen.
Formally report the indiscretions to Human Resources via email with the upper-level management included. Now, my professional advice is to ensure you are 100% positive of the indiscretion(s) and it is worthy of disciplinary action. By doing this, you are commencing a company investigation and there will be consequences for both you and the person being accused.
For domestic violence victims, leave. You can do it. I did while 6 months pregnant with a 2 year old. If the situation is bad, remove yourself from it. Run. Don’t hesitate. Living in your car - safe, is better than in a house unsafe. Sleep in the carpark of a police station. There is always a way.
For rape victims, go to a hospital immediately for a physical assessment and report the incident directly to the police. Do not go home. The hospital will be able to assist you in calming your nervous system, aiding you with counselling and ensuring your feeling of safety by being around many people with regular check ins. Do not report it to the workplace. F*** the company at that point. That is a human injustice, not a workplace harassment case.
If this has already happened in the past. Tell someone. Holding in that pain will eat away at your soul. Seek professional support in working through those betrayals of humanity.